Demockery

It started out as Democracy. It ended up in mockery. It was Demockery. The three lines I think aptly summarise the recent elections in 'The Great State' literally. Well it was an election to end in either They or Them winning so it was a black day for Democracy anyway. There was just no way for Democracy to prevail. I just wonder what they would do if the “No Votes” polled more votes!

Them claim it was the EVMs that did them in. EVMs did I hear? I mean come on. If there is any one organisation that you could trust in this country it would be the Election Commission. I mean isn't they being fair the whole premise of this elections. Or then of course you could have the auctioning off the seats. I really wouldn't be shocked if it was happening.

I mean what do you call a guy who wins an election not knowing that he with a Hanuman ‘gaada’ and a pheta are not the best attires to be in when you win an election. What do you call a guy who wins an election by doling out “BULLETS” to people? (Not to scare you but I mean the motorcycle Bullet). What do you call a guy who can give out pure gold rings to his 'followers' just as a present?

Well the answer to all that is an MLA!!!

Of course They say it was their “great governance” (or should we say the lack of it) that won them his elections. Now I wonder what qualifies as great governance. What do you call taking your state to the brink of bankruptcy? What do you call a multi crore scheme for “needy farmers” of which the beneficiaries were all but those “needy farmers”?

I am guessing all that is called “Good Governance”!

But then fact remains that “The people get the government they deserve...”

Conspiracy Theories and They...

Apparently, They love Conspiracy Theories. For those who don't know what Conspiracy Theories are, I suggest you read "How Not to Know and Act like You Know It"! And then read on acting like you know what you are reading about. If you are seriously considering enlightening yourself on this front, maybe you would do better elsewhere than this blog.

I don't know if you have made this observation or not. But then if you have taken the pains of passing your 12th Grade irrespective of whether you deserved it or not, chances are that you have noticed that there is like a friggin' Newton’s Law for everything under the sun. When I mentioned this to They, they told me their take on Isaac Newton. The theory is (ingeniously simple and not hard to follow) that Isaac Newton was obviously an alien (I liked the way They said obviously as if it was the most matter of fact thing in the world). Apparently They claim that the aliens were so frustrated by human progress or the lack of it or more so that no human (read as Them) got simple things such as that things fell down because something got it down. Maybe in those times Them were more interested into pulling things down (read as pants) that they (Them) never really cared how it exactly happened or even worse thought they (as in Them) were the ones who did it (which is true in the case of pants). But then that is neither here nor there... So then Isaac Newton finally frustrated came down to Earth invented like a zillion Newton Theories of Everything to hurtle humans forward in science. More so to make life miserable for all the students to come in the centuries hence (Talk about innocent casualties). So next time you get bugged by another of those Newton's Law of Everything remember its those "Damn Aliens"!

Unfortunately, Them have always been critics of Conspiracy Theories.  In 1936 Them commentator quoted the following:

The central belief of every moron (read as they) is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts. He ascribes all his failure to get on in the world, all of his congenital incapacity and damnfoolishness, to the machinations of werewolves assembled in Wall Street, or some other such den of infamy.

 Now the fact that evil machinations of the werewolves in Wall Street have brought the entire world on the brink of collapse, I am wondering if all of Them qualify as morons. Surprisingly They agree that they are morons (which again confuses me)!

  So the bottom line is that conspiracy theories are fun. All those who claim otherwise are werewolves and responsible for the Economic Meltdown. (How is that for a Conspiracy Theory!!!) Hey and by the way. They asked me you whether you hate Them or not? I said that you really hate them (pun intended)...

PS: In this blog Them also means them ('the pun intended' wala them) unless They are looking, in which case it becomes Them.

The Start...

The story starts with They.

I told They yesterday that I wanted to start writing a blog. As they were They, they were pretty supportive of the idea. They said that they would even guide me. But all this in lieu of the fact that I don't write about Them. (Now I am confused whether this mention of Them would be considered by them (I mean They) as a mention of Them).

Now for a fact I know that They don't like Them. They told me that the disaccord between them (Not Them) arised when people started calling They 'Them' and Them 'They' which supposedly hurt their sentiments. When I tried explaining that it was all a play of the English language they told me that I was either with them or Them.(This frankly confused the hell out of me.) So to make things amiable I told They that I was with them. Now this for some reason pissed them off and They called me a "traitor". They asked me to think again and asked me who I was with. Wondering why They are asking me this again, I emphatically emphasised that I was with them. At which They called me a "traitor" again, which I thought was frightfully wrong of them and so I mentioned it to them. They told me that I was insensitive to call them 'Them'. So I tried to explain how 'they' becomes 'them' which they considered atrocious and thence called me a chump. At this point of time I got fed of them and Them too so I decided to stop writing about them.

So I must admit that it was quite suprising to see They ready to help me today inspite of the fact that I had told They that I was sick of them and would not write about them. Things suprisingly become much more amiable (to my annoyance) when I tried to tell them it wasn't they (as in Them) who were at fault but them (as in They) themselves who were at fault. 

Unfortunately with this I must come to an end as I must acquaint myself better with the lives and History (hopefully not Civics) of them and they. And by the way They ask me to remind you not to call them, I am sorry, They Them again!